Editor’s note: Below is the third installment of a new feature in the B&R that is aimed to help pastors and church leaders get answers to hard questions.
Dear Leader Board,
I don’t know how to ask this without it sounding dramatic, but I’ll try. There’s no scandal, no moral failure, no obvious blowup. But most weeks feel heavier than I expected. Decisions linger. Wins don’t feel like wins. Problems don’t stay solved. And the sense that I’m always behind never really goes away.
I keep wondering whether this is a sign that I’m not cut out for this, or whether this is simply what leadership feels like once the novelty wears off. How do you tell the difference?
Sincerely,
Trying to keep up
Dear Trying to Keep Up,
Josh Franks
If you were failing, you probably wouldn’t be asking this question. You’d be blaming everyone else.
What you’re describing is the moment leadership shifts from activity to responsibility. Early on, leadership feels like movement. Later, it feels like weight. That transition catches most pastors off guard.
Beneath the surface, you’re discovering that leadership doesn’t resolve pressure. It concentrates it. Decisions don’t end problems; they change their shape. Wins don’t remove responsibility; they expand it. And the sense of being “behind” isn’t always incompetence. Often, it’s awareness.
Failure is chaotic. It leaks. It produces avoidance, defensiveness, and blame. Leadership strain is quieter. It shows up as vigilance, second-guessing, and the steady hum of unfinished work you carry home whether you want to or not.
Most pastors were trained to measure fruit, not weight, so when the weight increases, they assume something is wrong. It isn’t. It means you’re actually “holding the chair.”
Reframe the question. Don’t ask whether leadership feels heavier. Ask whether it’s making you steadier.
Failure corrodes integrity. Leadership pressure, when handled well, clarifies integrity. Failure isolates you from reality. Leadership strain presses you deeper into reality.
There is a kind of exhaustion that comes from avoiding responsibility. And there is a different kind that comes from bearing it. They feel similar, but they produce very different leaders.
Leadership doesn’t get lighter with time. It gets clearer. If the weight is teaching you to think better, listen longer, and choose more carefully, you’re not failing
Stay in the chair.
You’re leading.
Josh Franks
TBMB Ministry Specialist
The Leader Board is provided by Nine31, an initiative of the Tennessee Baptist Mission Board. For more information about leader development in your church or to submit a question, write to: [email protected].
